One of the more important skills in life is networking.

For many people, however, it is a daunting endeavor. It can feel either scary or slimy.

Can it be scary? Yes.

Can it be slimy? Yes.

But it doesn’t have to be either.

As someone who enjoys networking (I know, weird…), allow me to share a few thoughts.

 

A quick disclaimer: You don’t have to be, or pretend to be, an over-the-top, high-energy extravert to be good at networking. Those people are usually annoying. I know because I am one of them, and I have to tone it down not to irritate people. Be yourself and be interested in the other person. Really. That’s it.

 

Your motivation matters

If the only reason you are networking is to use people and get something from them, it’s going to feel slimy because that is slimy! However, if you are networking because you want to meet interesting people (and people are fascinating!), be kind to them, listen and learn from them, help them when you can, and receive their help when needed, then it won’t feel slimy. You won’t feel like you are using people because you won’t be. You will be meeting people. You will be making them feel special. You will be helping them. Reframe networking in your mind. Networking is a service to others and to you.

 

Smile

In networking situations, forget about yourself and think about others. Many are nervous, too. They are worried about being the odd person out, too. They don’t know what to do, either. They are looking around the room for a lifeline. A friendly face. Seeing someone smiling at them would be the best thing in the world. Be that person for them. Put a smile on your face and make others feel welcome and comfortable. Make it your mission. That is how you get over your own nerves and insecurities. Think about others, not yourself, and how you can help them.

Make it a real smile, not a fake smile. How do you do that? By feeling it inside. Tell yourself, “I am going to go rescue a few people from a social nightmare by saying hi and making them feel special.” Then do it. You’ll feel great.

 

Go First

I won’t repeat everything I said above, but it is the same idea. Don’t wait for others to come to you. Go positive and go first. They will be very glad you did.

 

Remember Names

Paraphrasing Dale Carnegie, the sweetest sound in any language is someone’s name. You can make people feel special by remembering their name. “But I am not good at remembering names,” you might say. Perhaps.

The hard truth is that most people aren’t good at remembering names because they don’t really care to be. Most people are thinking about themselves, what they are going to say next, etc. They aren’t paying attention. They have little desire.

But what if I told you that I would give you $100 for every stranger’s name you could remember in 5 minutes? Do you think you would be motivated and paying attention? Do you think you would remember a few more than normal? Of course.

You need to have that kind of attitude when meeting people. You have to want to remember their name. Once you have the desire, you can use a few common tricks to help you remember their name.

• Repeat their name. “It’s nice to see you, Jeff.”
• Ask them how to spell it. “Is that ‘Jeff’ or ‘Geoff’?”
• Associate it with something, if you can. Do you have a brother, best friend, etc. named Jeff? Can you imagine Jeff holding a humongous jar of Jiff peanut butter? The sillier the better to help you remember it.
• Use it again. Don’t be weird and say it 20 times, but find another opportunity to say their name. You will have said it several times by this point, and that will help it stick.

 

Ask About Them

Try to avoid easy, boring questions. “What do you do? Where are you from?” Minimize asking closed-ended questions that are easy to answer with a “Yes” or “No”. Ask open-ended questions that allow them to share more. Ask creative questions. Ask follow-up questions about their answers. For example,

“You grew up in Fort Worth? What did you like best about growing up there?”
“You’ve been in accounting for 15 years? What has kept you in that line of work for so long?”

Need help with creative questions? You could certainly look some up on the internet ahead of time. Or you could get a deck of conversation cards and use them (Questions for Humans: Workplace edition, Friends edition, Soundtracks). The key thing to remember is that to be interesting, be interested in them.

 

Follow Up

Within the next day or two after meeting someone, follow up with them if you can. Whether through LinkedIn (or similar), email, or Slack/Teams, let them know that you enjoyed meeting them.

 

Invest time in your network

Regularly spend little bits of time keeping up with the people in your network. Message them and say hi for no reason other than being kind.

It can sometimes feel uncomfortable reaching out to someone after a long silence. Don’t let that stop you. They might be feeling the same awkwardness. Most of the time, people are really happy to reconnect. For many, hearing from an old friend will be the highlight of their day. Remember, go first!

 

You can do this!