I like being friendly to people. Truly. Maybe you do, too.

But does being friendly mean that we have to sacrifice getting what we want?

Does getting what we want mean that we will have to be jerks?

No, it doesn’t.

It is possible to be friendly and still get what you want. It simply requires being persistent.

Sounds simple, unless you are a recovering people-pleaser.

If you are a people-pleaser (in recovery or not), there are two truths you must understand:

1. Being persistent does not equal being a jerk.
2. You get what you accept.

With those two truths in mind, the path forward is to be friendly but persistent.

 

Smile and ask for what you want.

Smile and ask again.

Smile and ask for other options.

Smile and walk away.

Smile and ask someone else.

Smile and ask somewhere else.

Continue to be friendly.

Continue to ask until you get what you want.

You can be polite but firm.

You can be kind but committed to what you want.

You can be friendly but persistent.

 

Some phrases that have been helpful to me along the way:

• “Thank you, but that is not acceptable to me.”
• “I appreciate the offer, but that won’t work for me.”

Once you say them, be quiet. You aren’t negotiating. You have drawn your boundary line. It is now up to the other party to respond. Perhaps they will give you what you want. Great! Perhaps they won’t. That is fine, too. Smile and move on.

 

This philosophy applies whether you are trying to buy a car, walk through project deadlines at work, or navigate relational issues.

You can be friendly without sacrificing what you want.

You can get what you want without being a jerk.

Be friendly but persistent.

 

P.S. Did you find this post helpful? If so, I have two quick requests:
— First, would you subscribe to the blog? It is an encouragement to me.
— Second, who is one person you think would also benefit from this post? Would you mind forwarding it to them?
Thank you!