Do you pray? If so, do you find it difficult?

Over the years, I have found prayer difficult in many ways.

For example:

How do I stay focused?
How do I get beyond selfish prayers?
What if I am praying for something that is not God’s will?
Does praying make a difference?

Do any of those resonate with you?

I am by no means a prayer expert. I am, however, a prayer enthusiast. (This is a phrase I got from the book “Lead with Prayer“. This subtle, powerful distinction was a direct influence on my decision to label myself a “Leadership Enthusiast” rather than a “Leadership Expert” on the website.) Here are a few things that have helped my prayer life.

 

How Do I Stay Focused?

If I close my eyes and pray in my mind, I will quickly start thinking about my to-do list, my next meal, the noises around me, etc. I discovered that when I pray out loud, that doesn’t seem to happen. I now pray out loud.

Unless other people are around.

Which would be weird.

 

How Do I Get Beyond Selfish Prayers?

Many years ago, I had a vivid dream. I was in a football stadium. On the scoreboard was a list of the top 10 people for which I prayed. Numbers 1-7 said “Scott”. Numbers 8-10 were my wife and two of our three kids. I don’t remember which kid was left off the list. Oops.

I woke up with a deep sense of conviction that most of my prayers focused on me.

It isn’t wrong to pray for ourselves, but I was praying almost exclusively for myself. I wanted that to change.

Using index cards has helped. A few years ago, a friend suggested the book “A Praying Life“. I use a modified form of the process described in that book. I jot down notes on index cards about people I care about and their needs. When I pray, I take a card or two and pray through those specific items.

Seeing the index cards is a reminder for me to pray for people. They are also a reminder to follow up with people and check on them.

Using the index cards also helps me to stay focused while I am praying.

 

How Do I Know if I am Praying for God’s Will?

I used to worry about whether I was praying for the right things.

What if I am asking for this when I should be asking for that?

What if I am asking for God’s help to go here when he wants me to go there?

What if, what if, what if?

Eventually, I realized that God is God and that he is good.

When my kids were little, they would ask me for stuff all the time. Their requests were not always good for them (“Can we eat all our Halloween candy now?”). I knew better even if they didn’t. Their requests didn’t make me mad. I just said no.

At the same time, I wanted to give them good things. I wanted to be generous to them. I loved seeing them laugh and enjoy gifts. As often as I could, I loved to say “Yes” to them.

If I could do that as an imperfect human father, God can do it perfectly. I came to deeply believe this.

Now, I ask for what I want and trust God with how he answers. I know that he is wiser than I am and will ignore my foolish or ignorant requests. I also know that he wants to give me good gifts and see me enjoy them. I believe that God will always answer my requests in the best possible way, according to his goodness, wisdom, and love for me, even if I don’t understand it in the moment.

 

Does Praying Make a Difference?

If there is no God, then praying doesn’t make a difference. Not really. Perhaps there is some psychological benefit and comfort from putting your fears and desires into words, but there isn’t any all-powerful being responding to your prayers.

But that wasn’t my struggle. I was and am convinced there is a God. I understand that doesn’t mean there is a God, but, for the sake of this post, let’s assume that God exists. My struggle was that although I believed in God, I didn’t act as if prayer mattered much.

I prayed for small things. I thanked God for food. I prayed for others. But my prayer life demonstrated that I didn’t really expect my prayers to accomplish much. I had this underlying belief that God was going to do whatever God was going to do. I could ask, but the real value of prayer was probably in changing my desires, not changing God’s plans. I should go through the motions and say my prayers, but not get my hopes up. I shouldn’t expect anything.

But that isn’t a biblical view of prayer.

I don’t understand how prayer works. I don’t understand how God takes our prayers and works them into his plans. But the Bible repeatedly teaches us to pray. Jesus teaches us to pray. The Bible teaches us that God wants to hear our prayers. The clear message from the Bible is that our prayers matter. They make a difference.

But I didn’t really believe it. And I couldn’t trick myself into believing it.

So I asked God to convince me. I asked God to show me that my prayers mattered. I asked him to give me some evidence that would encourage me to pray more and to pray boldly. And over time, he did.

If we knew each other and we had time, I could share amazing stories with you of answered prayers. Not coincidences. Things for which there is no other explanation than God answered my prayer.

Of course, God doesn’t answer all of my prayers the way I want. I don’t expect him to. In fact, I am glad he doesn’t. I am sure there are some things I am asking for that aren’t good for me. I just don’t know which things they are. He does. So, I trust him.

I am still on a journey, growing in my prayer life. I am often slow to pray. I often pray small, safe prayers, not big, bold prayers. But I continue to ask God to grow my belief in the power of prayer and my desire to pray.

Where are you on your prayer journey?

 

 

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