Having a good conversation is one of the more important, powerful, and enjoyable things we can do.

Good conversation involves both speaking and listening. We know that, of course, but knowing it and doing it are not the same. If we aren’t actively trying to have a good conversation, it is easy to become distracted or self-focused, and the discussion suffers.

It becomes transactional; an exchange of information to achieve a result.

Or it becomes tedious.

Boring.

Blah.

I am not suggesting that every conversation needs to be a deep, heartfelt connection between souls. But even brief, relatively superficial conversations can be done in a way that the other person (or people) enjoys it and leaves feeling better.

 

The main idea is to care about the other person.

Whoever it is, however long it takes, and whatever the topic is, decide to be present, pay attention, and care about the other person.

That care comes through.

People can sense it.

 

Caring for the other person in the conversation includes how you speak and how you listen.

 

Speak in a way that people love to listen to you.

• Look at them while you talk. That doesn’t mean awkwardly staring at them 100% of the time without blinking, but periodically make eye contact.
• Speak honestly.
• Speak kindly.
• Speak candidly, as appropriate. When the circumstances allow it, be willing to share something more personal. This doesn’t have to be personal trauma or your deepest joys. Take a step beyond the current conversation level. Go first. People will often reciprocate.
• Ask about them.

 

Listen in a way that people love to talk to you.

• Look at them while you listen. Again, don’t be weird, but look them in the eye while they are talking.
• Listen to what they are saying. Pay attention. Don’t think about your response or other things.
• Ask follow-up questions.
• Acknowledge what they have said and any feelings. It demonstrates that you have been listening and understand what they are saying. It helps people to feel heard. This is incredibly important. Even in situations when you disagree with someone, acknowledging that you genuinely heard them is powerful.

 

At the end of the conversation, thank them. Let them know that you enjoyed it. It’s good to say it out loud.

 

Bonus Points: The next time you see them, ask about what you last discussed. Or, send them a message and ask about it. It is a small way to let them know they are special, that you listened, and that you care about your friendship or working relationship.

Did you have a nice chat with someone today? Send them a message and let them know you enjoyed it. Like, right now. Seriously. They will appreciate it, and you will, too!