I am a habits guy.

James Clear’s “Atomic Habits” is a Top-5 All-Time Favorite book of mine.

I want to establish good habits.

I want to eliminate bad habits.

I think about how to make good habits easy and how to make bad habits hard.

I want to create an environment around me that reinforces my desired habits.

I want to schedule time on the calendar to execute on my habits.

But I have always thought about habits as physical actions that I take until I read an email from Dr. Julie Gurner. In it she said, “Thoughts are your most important habit.”

It stopped me dead in my tracks because I knew it was true.

Deeply and powerfully true.

 

No one talks to you more than you.

No one influences you more than you.

What are you saying to yourself?

 

For most of us, I think this can be a struggle. The things we say to ourselves are not always positive and encouraging. We would never say the same things to someone else we loved, but we say them to ourselves.

Unfortunately, some of the things we say to ourselves we learned from others. Someone else said them to us first, and we believed them and repeated them. “You’re ugly.” “You’re dumb.” “You’ll never succeed.”

Other things we began telling ourselves because of something that happened to us. Maybe once. “People will always disappoint you.” “You’re not good at sports.” “You’re not good at math.”

But we don’t have to continue believing those things. We can change the way we think.

It’s crazy, but it’s true.

We can change the way we think.

I am not talking about “manifesting” things.

I am not talking about magic words.

I am talking about the things we say to ourselves daily.

We can decide to tell ourselves better things. True, kind, and helpful things.

But we have to do it over and over and over again. We have told ourselves some things for a long time. It will take time to think differently. But we can do it.

 

What lies are you believing? Replace them with the truth.

What unkind things do you say to yourself? Replace them with kind words.

What unhelpful ideas are on a never-ending loop in your mind? Replace them with a helpful soundtrack.

Write these things down.

Look at them.

Repeat them.

When you notice yourself say something untrue, unkind, or unhelpful, immediately stop. Tell yourself, “Wait, I don’t have to believe that anymore,” then repeat one of the things you have written down.

 

If you have read my posts for a while, then you might recognize that the “true, kind, and helpful” phrasing comes from Jon Acuff’s “Soundtracks” book (another favorite), so the idea of paying attention to what we say to ourselves and saying better things isn’t new to me. What hit me about Dr. Gurner’s comment was that it was a habit and, therefore, I should give it the same kind of disciplined effort as I do my other habits.

 

Decide how you will talk to yourself.

This is a discipline.

This is a habit.

We have all let this go on long enough by default. It is time to do it by design.

Our thoughts are our most important habit.