scott stonehouse

What is your default mode in a social setting?

Do you suddenly become fascinated with wall art or your phone? Anything at all to not look like you are awkwardly standing alone?

Are you hoping anyone — even someone you don’t like — will show up and talk to you?

This is pretty common. Most of us have been there. We can relate to those anxious feelings.

This is why many people adopt a passive, “wait and see” strategy when in social situations.

Who wants to risk reliving every middle school social nightmare? No thank you.

The fear is rational because it is possible people will reject you in some manner.

But it is rare.

Most people will be polite.

Most people have the same fears and anxieties and are, therefore, also in passive mode.

Which is why most people appreciate others who take the lead in social settings and make it easier for everyone else.

Why not be that person?

Be the person who says “Hi” first.

Be the person who smiles first.

Be the person who introduces yourself first.

I am not suggesting you be fake.

I am not encouraging you to try and be Mister or Miss Popular.

In fact, I am not suggesting you think about yourself much at all because this isn’t really about you.

It’s about others.

I am suggesting you think about others.

How can you help others feel more comfortable?

How can you be a good host or hostess even if there isn’t one (officially)?

You don’t have to be charming or funny or good at small talk. All you need to do is follow a simple, three step formula. Here it is:

1. Care about others.
2. Have the courage to act on that care for others.
3. Ask people questions about themselves.

That really is all you need to do.

Why not be the person who brings the joy and kindness and warmth to the room?

Why not be the person who initiates?

Make it your default mode from now on.

Go positive. Go first. People will be thankful you did and so will you.